Addiction isn’t about substances. It’s about connection.
This blog explores addiction through a different lens, one that shifts the focus away from substances and toward connection.
Drawing on the Rat Park study and modern neuroscience, it examines how environments of isolation, chronic stress, and disconnection shape nervous system regulation, and why substances can become a stand-in for safety and relief. It also looks at what happens when we change the conditions around addiction, including real-world examples where connection, dignity, and community led to better outcomes.
At its core, this blog invites a reframe: Addiction is not a moral failing or lack of willpower, but often a nervous system adaptation to unmet relational needs.
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Ageing, mindset, and the body: How belief shapes movement, metabolism, and health
What if ageing, exercise, and eating weren’t just about discipline, but about mindset and nervous system safety?
This blog explores compelling research showing how belief shapes physical capacity, metabolism, and health, and why shifting the story we tell about our bodies can lead to meaningful physiological change.
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When letting go isn’t actually safe yet: Why the nervous system holds on, especially to relationships and how it eventually loosens
If you’re struggling to let go of a relationship, there may be more at play than emotion or logic.
This piece explores attachment, nervous system protection, and why holding on can be an adaptive response, not a personal failure.
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You’re not going backwards, your nervous system is responding: Understanding plateaus, flare-ups, and “regression” through a nervous-system lens
“I thought I was past this.”
When old patterns resurface, it can feel like failure, but from a nervous system perspective, it’s often a sign of response, not regression. This blog explores why healing isn’t linear, why flare-ups happen, and how understanding your nervous system can reduce shame and support sustainable change.
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Why safety comes before change: A nervous-system explanation for why pushing harder often backfires
Why doesn’t change happen, even when we know what we want to shift?
This blog explores why safety, not effort or motivation, is the foundation for change, and how the nervous system prioritises protection over growth. A neuroscience-informed look at why pushing harder often backfires, and what actually helps change unfold.
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Your brain is an algorithm: A neuroscience-informed take on change
Change doesn’t happen because we think harder, it happens when the nervous system updates what it expects.
This blog explores a neuroscience-informed perspective on change, reframing “manifesting” as the brain’s adaptive algorithm rather than a mindset problem. A compassionate look at why insight alone isn’t enough and what actually supports sustainable change.
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Divorce: Why it might be for you + how to talk to your kids about it
Divorce doesn’t mess up kids. Yup, you read right, divorce isn’t going to ruin your kids. However, unexplained tension and conflict, that always feels unsafe for kids. And here’s the thing, in so many families, divorce is actually a moment of relief for kids. I know it was for me… because it means that you’re no longer in a home that is filled with all of that tension, or yelling, or conflict. So as we unpack this topic, please remember that.
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What you can do if things are feeling less than in the bedroom...
Sex in itself is such a simple concept. Yet, somehow, it can become very complicated.
Perhaps you just don’t enjoy it anymore? Maybe you’ve never had an orgasm? Maybe you can’t switch that head of yours off and really be in the moment? Perhaps you’re not attracted to your partner sexually anymore? Or maybe, there’s just no desire there, despite you really wanting there to be? The issues with sex can be limitless. If this is you, read on dear reader.
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How trauma corrupts our brain + body: The real score
Trauma is ubiquitous in our society. It is estimated that 75% of Australians will experience a potentially traumatic event in their lifetime. That 1 in 4 Australian women will experience violence by an intimate partner, and that 1 in 5 women will experience sexual violence. It’s estimated that up to two thirds of young people have been exposed to at least one traumatic event by the time they turn 16! And that 1 in 8 Australian’s have experienced child abuse.
These statistics are alarming and what many of us don’t realise is that these experiences leave traces on our biology and identity, with devastating social consequences. In fact, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention calculate that childhood trauma is our single largest public health issue—more costly than cancer or heart disease—and one that is largely preventable by early prevention and intervention. So what is trauma? And what is its true cost?
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Burnout: It's more harmful than you think!
Have you suffered from burnout, or do you feel like you’re on the cusp of it? I know that I’ve definitely been there. And the questions we need to ask ourselves is this: If we keep making the same choices, returning to the same stressors that led to burnout in the first place, will we ever truly recover? And what is the real price that burnout is costing us?
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Let’s talk about shame and guilt; yes there is an important difference
Distinguishing between shame and guilt is critical. Why? Because these two feelings ignite very different reactions within us…
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Are you really a recovered perfectionist?
If you’ve ever uttered the words “I’m a recovered perfectionist”, you’re not alone. This is a line I hear a LOT! I know
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Failure to Launch: How to move past procrastination
When I was about to launch The Sage Society, do you know what my Dad said to me… He said, “90% of all businesses
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Are you a secret perfectionist?
I’d be willing to hazard a guess that if you’re reading this, it’s more than likely that you are. And I’d also be willing to
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How your sex life can be master, not disaster, after having kids
What could be better than being a parent? Having little ones is such a blessing and enriches our lives in many ways.
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How to forgive ourselves
Forgiveness, to me, means intentionally letting go of the blame and anger that encases your heart. It is about turning
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How to re-discover yourself after a break-up
As the famous song says, breaking up is hard to do. Even if your head, family and friends all try to tell you it’s for the
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Let’s talk about children with learning disorders
As I’ve discussed in previous blogs, the challenging and sometimes difficult - to -manage behaviours of little ones
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How to predict divorce
In the years that I’ve been treating couples, a theme has been overwhelmingly apparent; couples who engage
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How to tackle loneliness in the time of Corona
So here we all are, in lockdown, isolation or extreme social distancing mode. At first, it may have seemed to some, a
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