Understanding the Teenage Brain
I’ve been working with adolescents for quite some time. They can be such a challenge and yet so raw and vulnerable all at the same time. It’s a unique and crucial time in development but it can also be the most challenging time for parents to manage and navigate. It’s especially hard in the current climate of a global pandemic. To help alleviate some of the growing pains you might be experiencing at home right now, I thought I’d give you a little window into what is actually happening and more importantly, not happening in your teenager’s brains and how you, as parents, can help them with this!
The research
Surprisingly the teenage brain has been a relatively neglected area of research until the past decade. Most research in neurology and neuropsychology has been dedicated to infant and child development and that is partly due to a misunderstanding on the scientists behalf - they believed, incorrectly I might add, that brain growth was pretty much all done and dusted by the time a child started kindy. Which explains why for the past 20 years or so parents have felt this pressure to get a jump start on their kids’ education. But, as I said, science got it wrong.
And it’s not the first misconception or myth about the teenage brain and teenage behaviour that we have been led to believe. These are the biggest ones for you, and I bet as you read them, you’ll be surprised:
Teens are impulsive + emotional because of surging hormones!!
Teens are rebellious + oppositional because they want to be different + difficult
If teens occasionally drink too much alcohol their brains are resilient, so they’ll rebound without suffering any permanent damage
The die is cast in puberty. Whatever your IQ is, or apparent special abilities might be (maths/science vs language + arts), you’ll continue that way for the rest of your life.
ALL WRONG. Yup, you heard me, wrong. I even had my husband hooked when I told him those four were myths. So, let me explain a little bit more as to why.
The teenage brain is actually in a very special point of development. There are unique vulnerabilities at this age, but also a unique opportunity to harness exceptional strengths that will fade as we enter into adulthood. It really is a work in progress.
Only 80% of a teenage brain has matured. The remaining 20 percent is where the connectivity is at its thinnest (the frontal lobes) and it goes a long way in explaining why teenagers behave the way they do. Their mood swings, impulsiveness, irritability and explosiveness. Their inability to follow through or focus, their temptation for drugs and alcohol or engaging in risky behaviour. This 20 percent is responsible for a lot.
Why repetition is key
So, keeping in mind that this part of the brain isn’t fully wired yet, we can understand that repetition with our kids is really important. How many times might you have said to your kid to think twice about any risky behaviour? Too many times I’m sure. But tragedy happens. You see it all the time. A silly, risky mistake costs a life. I lost my best friend at 17 due to this. He died because he didn’t follow instructions when a boat was moving. Simple, yet utterly devastating. Sadly, it’s not uncommon.
Jumping into a pool with friends who are intoxicated, scaling a fence in the middle of the night. Teenagers do these things. They’re primed to do these things. So, it’s our job to talk to them about these tragic stories. You have to fill their minds with real stories, real consequences and then you have to do it again - over dinner, after footy practice, whenever you can. Even when they moan at you that they’ve heard it all before, because there are many situations that can get them into trouble and end badly.
You need to remember that this part of their brain, the part where the function is around prospective memory (the ability to hold in your mind the intention to perform a certain action in the future, e.g. replying to an email when you get home from work), it’s not keeping up with their growth and development. In fact it basically stalls after 10 and then picks back up again in our 20s. So, it’s our job to keep these things fresh in their minds. To remind them. And remind them again. Because, unfortunately, their brains just aren’t there yet. You really need to be their frontal lobes here!
Help them develop a self-defining interest.
A big part of adolescence and among some of the most profound and exciting changes that are starting to set in, is the process of self-discovery. This, more than any other period of development, is when our children are trying to work out who they are and where they fit into the world. It’s a central process to this period of development and it’s why, as parents, we need to be open as they try out different versions of themselves.
More than this, this move towards self-identity also coincides with a shift away from parents and a move towards their peers. According to Erikson the main social task of the adolescent is the search for a unique identity - the ability to answer the question “who am I”. Which, as we know, can be a challenging question to answer and is often discovered in the context of their peers. But to help them with this, one of the greatest things you can encourage as a parent is helping them to foster and explore an interest in at least one activity in a very in depth way. You see, one of the ways to help them transition into adulthood with a stable and intact identity is to help them to develop a self-defining interest. For example, many teenagers like to draw and do crafts, but those who have developed an in-depth interest identify themselves as “an artist”.
This mastery of a skill then becomes part of their self-identity and we know from the research that this self-definition correlates with better achievement at school and lower rates of depression. So the goal here is not to ‘force’ your teen to practice their violin for an additional few hours per week, this will have the opposite effect of what you want to help them achieve, and you will most likely see an increase in resistance in them picking up the violin!! Instead encourage, discuss and praise any dedication and improvement they show towards an interest.
Remember, this interest can be anything! Rockets, astronomy, ballet, poetry - you name it. It’s not the interest that you should focus on, but their dedication to that focused area of interest! And, as I mentioned earlier, this is a unique opportunity to harness exceptional strengths that will fade as we enter into adulthood!
And one last little tip in this area, scientists have shown that the best way to remember what you’ve learned is to return to the place where you learned it. We call it place-dependent learning. So that’s something else to keep in mind. Try to have a place for your teen to learn, practice and develop their skill. Help them formulate a structure. Eventually their brains will catch up, but this is really where you can have a huge impact on your teen’s ability to learn and to help them through this turbulent and trying time!!!
Want more? Join me for a FREE Masterclass: Understand Your Teen: Parenting with the 3 C’s. Discover 3 simple, practical strategies to help you parent your teen during COVID-19. You’ll be armed with the latest research in psychology and neurobiology … even you might surprise yourself!!
