When you feel stuck: A nervous system approach to finding direction
One of the most common struggles I hear in therapy sounds something like this:
“I just want to make the right decision.”
“What if I choose the wrong path?”
“I feel stuck because I don’t know what I want.”
When we reach moments in life where direction feels unclear, the brain often responds by searching for the perfect answer.
The safest option.
The smartest move.
The decision that will prevent regret.
But the nervous system doesn’t tend to find clarity through pressure.
In fact, when the brain believes there is only one right path, it often shifts into threat mode. Everything feels heavier, more urgent, and more confusing.
Interestingly, research from the Stanford Life Design Lab suggests a very different way of approaching life decisions.
Instead of trying to determine one perfect future, researchers Bill Burnett and Dave Evans encourage people to explore multiple possible futures.
Because the truth is: There are often many meaningful lives we could live.
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What if there isn't just one path?
In the Stanford Life Design framework, people are invited to imagine what Burnett and Evans call “Odyssey Plans.”
Rather than asking: "What should I do with my life?"
You explore three possible versions of your life over the next few years.
Not because you must choose one immediately, but because it helps the brain move from pressure to curiosity.
Plan A — The Path You’re Already On
This is the life that unfolds if you continue in the direction you’re currently moving.
Your work evolves.
Your routines deepen.
Your relationships continue to grow in familiar ways.
Sometimes this reflection brings reassurance.
Other times, it highlights subtle feelings of misalignment, heaviness or restlessness that have been quietly present for some time.
Both are useful information.
Plan B — An Alternative Direction
Now imagine that your current path suddenly disappeared.
Perhaps your job changed.
Your circumstances shifted.
Or life pushed you in a different direction.
What other directions might you explore?
This question often uncovers interests, longings or values that have been sitting quietly in the background. Not fully pursued, but never entirely gone.
Plan C — The Wild Card
Then there is the wild card.
The life you might imagine if fear, practicality, or other people’s expectations weren’t the main constraints.
You don’t need to justify it.
You don’t need to know how it would work.
You simply allow yourself to imagine it.
And often, this is where something deeper shows up.
Because the ideas that feel hardest to imagine are often not random. They can reveal old beliefs or schema patterns that have shaped what we believe is possible for us.
Thoughts like:
"That’s unrealistic."
"Someone like me couldn’t do that."
"People would judge me."
"That would be selfish."
These reactions are rarely just about the future itself.
Often, they are echoes of earlier experiences that taught us what was safe, acceptable, or allowed.
If this reflection resonated with you, you can download a short guided reflection below that gently walks you through the exercise.
It walks you through:
• imagining three possible futures
• noticing what your nervous system responds to
• mapping what energises and drains you
The question that changes everything
One of the most powerful follow-up questions in this work is:
Which life would you regret not trying?
Not which life looks best on paper.
Not which one feels safest.
Not which one other people would approve of.
But: Which life would you regret never really exploring?
I think this question matters because so many people make decisions from the position of avoiding discomfort.
Avoiding failure.
Avoiding judgment.
Avoiding uncertainty.
But over time, regret often comes less from the things we tried and more from the parts of ourselves we never gave permission to live.
Research on regret has consistently found that, over the long term, people are often more impacted by inactions than actions, by the roads not taken, the conversations not had, the lives not explored.
That question can gently shift us from:
"What if I get it wrong?"
to
"What might it cost me if I never let myself find out?"
And that is often a much more honest question.
Your nervous system is always providing data
One of the most helpful shifts people can make when exploring direction is to pay attention to energy.
Not productivity.
Not achievement.
Energy.
Throughout your week, you might notice moments when you feel:
curious
engaged
energised
drained
disconnected
These signals are valuable.
They often reveal far more about alignment than logical thinking alone.
When we start paying attention to what brings energy and what consistently depletes it, patterns begin to emerge.
And as I often remind clients: All data is good data.
Some problems are like gravity
Another concept from the Life Design work that I often share with clients is the idea of a “gravity problem.”
Gravity problems are realities that cannot be changed directly.
Just like gravity itself.
We cannot remove gravity.
But we can design around it.
There are parts of life that may not shift easily:
a workplace culture
certain family dynamics
health limitations
time constraints during particular life stages
When we keep trying to change something that cannot realistically change, we often become exhausted, frustrated, or ashamed that we still haven’t “solved it.”
But when we recognise something as gravity, the question begins to shift.
Instead of asking:
"How do I fix this?"
We ask:
"How can I design my life in a way that works around this reality?"
That shift can open possibilities that previously felt invisible.
If you’re feeling stuck right now, you don’t need to figure everything out today.
You just need to start noticing what your system responds to with curiosity, energy, or resistance.
I’ve created a free reflection guide inspired by the Stanford Life Design research that walks you through this process.
Clarity comes through small experiments
One of the most powerful ideas in the Life Design research is that clarity rarely comes from thinking alone.
It tends to emerge through small experiments.
Trying something new.
Having a conversation.
Testing an idea without needing to commit to it forever.
Each small step gives the nervous system new information.
And gradually, direction begins to reveal itself.
Not through pressure.
But through experience, curiosity, and reflection.
A gentle place to begin
If you’re currently in a season of feeling stuck or uncertain about your next step, you’re not alone.
Many people reach moments in life where the path ahead feels unclear.
Rather than trying to force an answer, it can be more helpful to create space for reflection.
I’ve created a guided reflection exercise inspired by the Stanford Life Design approach, adapted through a nervous system and attachment-informed lens.
It explores:
• three possible futures you might imagine
• what gives and drains your energy
• identifying “gravity problems” in your life
• the question of what you might regret never exploring
• small experiments that can help clarity emerge over time
You can download the guide below ↓
Because you don’t need to have everything figured out today.
You simply need to stay curious about what might help you feel more alive, more aligned, and more connected to your life.
If you’d like support exploring this further
In my work as a Clinical Psychologist at The Sage Society, I support adults to understand their nervous system, explore relational patterns, and build the emotional capacity needed to move toward lives that feel more aligned and sustainable.
If you’re curious about working together, you can learn more below.
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