One of the most common worries I hear in therapy is some version of this:

“I thought I was past this.”
“Why is this coming back now?”
“Am I going backwards?”

It can feel deeply discouraging to notice old patterns resurface after periods of growth, especially when you’ve already done a lot of work.

But from a nervous system perspective, this isn’t failure.
It’s information.

And as my clients can attest to me regularly saying, “all data is good data.”

Because very often, it’s a sign that your system is responding, not regressing, and we just need to understand what it’s responding to.

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Healing isn’t linear and it was never meant to be

We often imagine healing as a straight line:
progress → improvement → resolution.

But nervous systems don’t work that way.

Change happens in cycles and layers. As capacity increases, the system often reveals material that couldn’t be accessed before. What feels like “going backwards” is frequently the nervous system saying:

“There’s more here and now there’s enough safety to notice it.”

This is especially true during times of increased stress, transition, or emotional demand, when even well-established strategies can feel less accessible.

Why flare-ups and plateaus happen

From a nervous system lens, flare-ups often occur when:

External stress increases
Internal resources decrease
Relational demands shift
Old protective responses are reactivated

This doesn’t mean previous work was undone.

It means the system has detected a change in load and is responding with the strategies it knows best.

Importantly, these responses are not random. They are patterned, adaptive, and shaped by past experience. They emerge to preserve safety, even when they’re no longer helpful in the present.

The danger of misreading these moments

When flare-ups are interpreted as failure, people often respond with:

Harsh self-criticism
Urgency to “fix” themselves
Withdrawal from support
Abandoning helpful practices altogether

Ironically, this can increase nervous system threat and deepen the very patterns someone is trying to change.

Because what the system often needs in these moments isn’t correction, it’s containment.

A more compassionate reframe

Instead of asking:
“Why am I like this again?”

A nervous-system–informed question might be:

What is my system responding to right now?
What load am I carrying?
What support is missing or stretched?

This shift matters.

It moves the focus from self-blame to self-attunement.
From urgency to curiosity.
From fixing to understanding.

Capacity fluctuates. Worth does not.

What progress often looks like in practice

Progress is not the absence of old patterns.

It’s often seen in:

Noticing responses sooner
Recovering more quickly
Responding with less self-judgement
Seeking support instead of withdrawing
Understanding your system rather than fighting it

These are signs of integration, even when discomfort is still present.

How therapy helps during these moments

In nervous-system–informed therapy, flare-ups aren’t treated as setbacks to eliminate. They’re treated as meaningful moments that offer information about:

Capacity
Safety
Relational needs
Pace

Therapy provides a space where these experiences can be held without urgency, allowing the system to settle, reorganise, and integrate, rather than brace or collapse.

Over time, this changes how the nervous system responds under pressure.

Not by preventing difficulty, but by increasing the capacity to move through it.

If you’ve been worried that you’re “going backwards,” you’re not alone, and you’re not failing.

Your nervous system may be responding to increased demand, reduced support, or new layers of experience coming into view.

I offer 1:1 therapy for adults grounded in trauma, attachment, and nervous system science, supporting clients to work with these moments rather than against them.

If you’d like to learn more about working with me, you’re welcome to explore that below.

Enquire about working with Gabby

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