How to tackle loneliness in the time of Corona
So here we all are, in lockdown, isolation or extreme social distancing mode. At first, it may have seemed to some, a welcome time to reflect. For others, who thrive on social contact, it has probably been trying from the beginning. In my clinical practice I’m hearing more and more about loneliness and about concern for the loneliness of others, so I thought I’d give you some insight into the current research and some tips on how to deal with feelings of loneliness.
The science of loneliness.
When separated from others, humans find themselves in a psychological stress state we often refer to as “fight or flight.” Being around other people provides safety and security that stifles this stress state and decreases the perception of loneliness. When alone, or feeling alone, humans subconsciously sense that they must be more aware of threats in the environment, so the body prepares to deal with them via a stress response. Stress triggers a cascade of hormones that orchestrate physiological changes in the body. Most people have experienced a racing heart, muscle tension, or quickness of breath because of stress, all of which prepare us to fight a threat. Unfortunately, the body can’t always discern a real threat (for example an angry bear) from an approaching work deadline or, in this case, feelings of loneliness.
Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, former Surgeon General of the United States, once wrote, “loneliness and weak social connections are associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day”. He also associated the health impact of loneliness to that of being severely obese!
How can we prevent loneliness whist social distancing?
Dr Steve Ellen, a psychiatrist and co-author of Mental: Everything you Never Knew you Need to Know About Mental Health recommends doing the following:
Stay connected with loved ones – use your phone, social media and apps such as Skype, FaceTime and WhatsApp to stay in touch with family and friends. Touch base with someone every single day.
Do things you enjoy – read that pile of books and watch those TV shows you missed. If you’re lucky enough to have a garden, make the most of it. Why not try a new pastime that you can do at home or online? Painting and listening to music are both great ways of relaxing and If you enjoy DYI, now’s a good time to knuckle down and get jobs done!
Stay healthy – focus on eating well and getting enough exercise and sleep Take the time to cook, do online yoga or aerobics, meditate and keep up healthy routines. These will help both your physical and mental health.
Avoid panic and anxiety– try to limit your media and online exposure. Seek advice from credible sources only and don’t consume news all day long.
You could also:
Help someone in need. Helping others eases loneliness because it makes us be less self-focused. It could be an elderly neighbour or someone on a social media site who might benefit from a supportive comment.
Call to mind others who are feeling lonely and send them kind and compassionate thoughts. Wishing well to others who are lonely creates a special connection between the two of you. Even more, when you realize that you’re not alone in your loneliness, you’ll feel less lonely. At least, that’s how this little practice works for me.
Visualize someplace you’d like to be—a fun gathering, the seashore, a sporting event – take happiness and comfort in the fact that one day you’ll be able to follow your wishes and dreams again.
Treat loneliness as an old friend who’s dropped in for a visit This is a way of not resisting how you’re feeling; resisting only makes you feel worse. So take care of your loneliness as if it’s an old friend. When you let painful emotions into your heart with compassion, it disarms them and that takes away their sting. This eases your pain. (See our blog on resilience for more on this).
I truly hope you all stay healthy + happy during this uncertain time.
